A letter to my Twins turning 5

Dear Girls, you are turning five and that is huge. You see, I remember my fifth birthday to a flaw. I remember the big chocolate coin my grandfather gave me, which melted all over my face, hands and clothes and then my grandmother had to get me cleaned up. It may have not been the best decision my grandfather could have made on that hot June day. I remember the presents, the people and the location. I even remember being miffed that my brothers got presents on MY day. But, the fact I got more presents than them, and I got the coin, made it better.

I look at you turning five as the year of transition. In the fall, you will be going into full-day kindergarten and it will be huge for all of us. You see, you are my babies and you mark the end of an era. When you go off to school, there will be no one at home to demand my time and for the first time in over a decade, I will be alone.

I was thinking about the things you have outgrown; the clothes, shoes and toys. I look at each girl thing we acquired just for you and I remember the day it was given to you. It is hard to believe that your first birthday was four years ago and it seems to have gone remarkably fast.

I thought about the things that I wish I could bottle up because I will miss them as you grow bigger and  faster than I want you to.

Although there are many little things that make me smile each day in addition to the tedious things you do, such as smear yogurt all over your body because you're playing spa, I compiled a list of the top 11 things I will miss from you being this small.

1) Dancing with you in the kitchen. We spent 
many mornings, especially after we moved to Maryland, dancing to Bon Jovi in the kitchen. I'd pick you up and ballroom dance around the kitchen. You'd take turns, holding your hands up, begging for your turn and got upset if you thought your sister got one second longer than you did. Even now, although we don't dance as often, I think about how much I will miss it when I can no longer pick you up and Tango with you. I told Twin R that I will miss dancing with her when she gets bigger and she replied, "don't worry  Mommy, I will dance right next to you". I'm counting on that.

  2) Going shopping with you. Now, as much as it was tedious in some ways when you wanted to eat everything you saw in the grocery store, not yet understanding the concept of paying for stuff before you ate it, the two of you were a big draw at the anywhere. As you sat and sang siting in the cart,  I couldn't go 10 feet without asking the "are they twins?" question, or someone commenting on how beautiful, adorable, and cute the two of you are. And for Dad, who is somewhat introverted, he had to adjust to the attention and conversation the two of you drew.  I will miss our game at the end of the shopping, when we'd leave the store and I would run to pick up speed down the little slope and then hop on the cart and together we would sail through the parking lot to our van while screaming "weeeeeee". We made people smile because we were enjoying the moment.

3) Your mismatched pronunciation in your little sweet voices. "Mommy, did you buy us new dwesses to wear on our bwerthday?"

4) Being viewed as "the best mom in the universe". The closest I will ever get to seeing perfection in myself is the way I see myself through your eyes. I will miss being the one you want to be with, the one you run to and the one you want to play with. I will miss the way you grab my legs when you're shy or know I'm trying to leave the house without you. And we know Twin R wishes there was a seat on my leg so she could hang there all the time.  

5) Your sudden outbursts of song. When the two of you decide to sing, which is usually some type of My Little Pony Song, there is no such thing as shyness or volume control. The two of you belt out your songs Ethel Merman style no matter where we are; the store, post office, gym, school and it doesn't matter, 
because you're singing for yourselves and each other.

 6)  When you stop calling each other "Gurl". "No Gurl, the pony is mine. Wake up Gurl. Come on Gurl, let's play."

7) When a Disney band-aid, an icepack and a cookie doesn't make things right again.

8) When you stop getting excited about me washing your favorite nightgowns or underwear. "Mommy thank you so much for washing my Tinkerbell nightgown! It is my favorite! I love you soooo much!"

9) The greeting I get when I retrieve you from the child-care room at the gym. When I walk back in, regardless if it is 15 minutes or two hours, you let out these high-pitch squeals that make everyone think you've just won the lottery. That is a greeting I will never get tired of and be sad with its departure.

10) My lap being the best seat in the house. As soon as I sat down, within two minutes, both of you would be clamoring for position on my lap. It was an easy fit when you were younger, but my lap doesn't accommodate both of you at the same time as easily as it once did. It's a tight fit, and hard to balance and read a book at the same time, but it works for now. 

11) The way you run. I loved the way you ran up the sidewalk at 18 months. I watched your little diaper swish as your little bottoms ran up the street. And although I was immersed in the cuteness, I was on alert because you fell so easily and didn't know how to use your hands to stop yourself from banging your head. I have watched your running style over the last few years as the awkwardness of movement decreased and your motor skills improved. Now, athough you run like big girls, I still can see that two-year-old in you sometimes.

There are many, many other things I look at and wish to burn them in my mind: like how small you feet still are or the sweet, awkward way you brush the hair out of your faces or the way you manage to get covered in peanut butter ever single time you eat it. And I love how you appreciate the beauty of the world.

I love the way you approach the world; head on without fear. Although I'm not sure if you appear fearless because I am by you side, I want you to always have that courage to be yourself, be brazen and explore the unknown.

May you always be ever-fabulous.
Your first word was "shoe" It is your, destiny.

Happy Birthday girls. Mommy loves you. 

Let's hear it for the Gurls!