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Vocabulary Words, Fractions and Wine-Repost

Oh Mommy, I love Homework!!!

Said no one ever.Tonight I feel like I should put a sticky on #1's homework explaining that I had a couple of glasses of wine before I sat down to help him. His homework involved writing 12 sentences with his vocabulary words. This week his vocabulary words were contractions. He was given the original form and had to find the contraction and write a sentence. I also had to help him prepare for his math test.

 #1 is more text book autistic. Of the three boys, he is the least functioning. Although he still is considered high functioning, there are moments he seems to be conversing with aliens. He does have  a great sense of humor, so we use that to help him learn. We make up silly things or songs to make learning a bit easier for him.

For him to come up with his own sentences, I have to make up several model type sentences to cement pragmatics with him. One of the methods I have for learning new vocabulary stems back to my days at Cornell in the intensive Chinese language program. We used to make the most obnoxious sentences we could with our new words. It was an exercise in humor and pragmatics.

So this evening, with wine in my system, we got the homework done. I should say now, as a side bar, that #1 is very food motivated; picky, but he likes his food. He is the kid at the pool who can walk up to anyone who is eating pizza, look at them and say "pizza, I love pizza. Can I have some" and he asks this question as he is reaching into the box with a hand on a slice. He is the stealth stealer of cookies, pretzels and other carbs. So this evening his sentences were food orientated.

First contraction: I will= I'll
My sentences: "I'll be having another drink shortly. I'll be glad when we have a babysitter. I'll soon be committed to a sanatorium."
His sentence: "I'll get to eat cookies."

Second contraction: I have= I've
My sentences: "I've got to get a local babysitter. I've got to buy more duct tape. I've got to make sure the other kids aren't trashing the house while I'm sitting here."
His sentence: "I've been eating pizza all day long"

Third contraction: Would not= Wouldn't
My sentences: " I wouldn't want to run out of vodka. I wouldn't want to vacuum up #3's lego pieces. I wouldn't want you to get diarrhea."(he laughs)
His sentence: "She wouldn't share her food."

Fourth contraction: Should not= Shouldn't
My  sentences: "You shouldn't put duct tape on the cat. You shouldn't eat fish and peanut butter sandwiches. You shouldn't go into our creepy neighbor's home. Ever."
His sentence:"She shouldn't be so selfish"

Fifth contraction: It will= It'll
My sentences: "It'll be a good day when we have a babysitter that comes back. It'll be great when I have a pool boy."
His sentence: "It'll be a good day."

Sixth contraction: Will not=Won't
My sentences: "I won't go to Walmart and act like a peacock. I won't mix beer and vodka. I won't run outside without clothes."(he smiles)
His sentence: "I won't steal your food."

Seventh contraction: Did not=didn't
My  sentences: "I didn't eat your pizza. I didn't know parenthood could be this much fun."
His sentence: "I didn't eat your food."

Eighth contraction: They have=they've
My sentences: They've come to take me to the funny farm. They've offered me more wine"
His sentence: "They've given me cookies."

Ninth contraction: I am=I'm
My sentences: "I'm losing my mind.  I'm in need of more wine. I'm going to have to write a note to your teacher."
His sentence: "I'm going to eat my food."

Tenth contraction: Can not= Can't
My sentences: "What do yo mean, I can't buy vodka on Sunday? I can't believe they found me again." 
His sentence: "You can't eat my food."

Eleventh contraction: Where did= Where'd
My sentences:"Where'd all my brain cell go? Where'd all the wine in my glass go?"
His sentence: "Where'd my pizza go?"

Twelfth contraction: You have=You've
My sentences: "You've got to be kidding me with these fractions. Sorry, you've been mistaken, if you think I remember anything about fractions." 
His sentence: "You've got to give me more pizza."

During the time he was writing, I looked over the review for his math test. Fractions, my favorite. I am so horrible at fractions. I started to laugh when I saw this:

 I didn't see "I don't give a crap" as an option. Who goes to Iowa anyway?

What fraction of questions will your mom get right based on her inadequate math education?

What fraction properly represents how much your mother cares about fractions?

I didn't see, "enough to make my ass grow", as a possible answer. I could explain my estimate this way: "My pants fit much better before I ate the pie and now I have to lie on the bed and use pliers to zip up my pants."

What fraction represents the number of fourth graders that know fractions better than your mother? Explain your work. My mom killed too many brain cells in college and the rest are dying at an alarming rate.

When my husband heard me cackling in the dining room, he decided it was time to take over. Good idea, cause I think I have to write a sticky note


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