Mini-Van Pissing Contest

Everywhere I drive, everywhere I go, I see those awful family decals. You know, the ones stuck to the rear window of the family vehicle, that you have no choice but to stare at when you're stuck behind them.  Plastered on the window, there are little stick figures that represents every member of their family. Like I care.  What is the purpose for putting that on your car? To show how miserable your existence is? Are you complaining or bragging? Are you serving me?

At every traffic light, moms have the ability to show how hard their lives are. It's a van decal pissing contest. "I have three freaking kids in all types of sports" and next to them at the light is, "I have three dogs, two kids and a husband"  and behind them is the full color decal depicting children playing football and daughters who cheer. Like I care about you. It's mini-van-one-up-ness.

I've been tempted to participate in this pissing contest by buying enough decals to fill up the entire window. Yup, there's me, my husband and our nineteen Ethiopian orphans and my six cats. I dreamed about installing a rear view camera, just so I could capture the reactions. Try topping that ladies.

I've seen all types of decals: storm troopers, zombies, little faces, stick figures ice-skating, playing soccer, cheering, skiing, and the list goes on and on. I went on a website and tried to design my own. I searched through the graphics and tried to find a true representative of each member of our family. That was harder than I thought.

 I didn't see one that would represent #1. I needed the ADHD one that had 14 arms and 14 legs that looked like it was in perpetual motion. Or for when he was in overload state:

I am auditory processing overload figure

Talk to the hand

I found a stick figure holding a computer; perfect for #2, but I needed to find one for #3 that had his hand held out in a "talk to the hand" pose while twisting his head as far away from the opposing force as possible. Couldn't find one, so I made it.

I found the super mom, but what I really needed was something like this:

Breakfast

  Or on a good day, this:

lunch

 For the twins, I found princesses and fairies, but they were just so one sided. I needed the crack fairy. The ADHD meets butterfly. Flower, flower, so many flowers. I want that one, wait, I want that one. I want them all. Ooh, which one do I choose. Oh, which, oh which? I'm tired. 

That is one BIG smile

For husband, he could have had the scientist, or the athlete to represent him,  but what he really needed was one waving "goodbye" as he joyously left for work. see ya.

In the end, though I was really tempted to be the champion of decal wars with my  orphanage, I decided not to get the decals.

I'll enjoy the reading material at the stop lights and let those mini-van billboards of family suffering go unopposed. I know I'd already win that pissing contest.

You have been silently served.