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A letter to my fellow special needs moms

Dear fellow mom of a special needs child,

I want you to know that when I met you,  there was something about you that made me want to become friends with you. It wasn't the fact that your kid also had a disability, it was that I sensed that there was so much more to you that I wanted to learn about. Your kid sharing the same diagnosis as mine, wasn't a factor in my choice.

But it seems lately, that that is the only thing you want to talk about.

As you know, every single one of my five children have a developmental disability. It is a hard and draining journey and it makes life really difficult most of the time. When I get to leave the house, the goal is to spend time with people who make me laugh and refresh my spirit so when I go home, I can be a better person. I don't want to talk about my kids, I don't want to talk about therapies, or school problems, I just want to be me. I want to shelve the problems I experience every day and just take a break.

The problem is, all you focus on is how hard your life is. And you spend the entire time complaining about how hard it is for you. It's like you are stuck in replay and all I can do is sit there and nod my head, because I can do nothing. I wish you could see you.

You may not realize it, but it really drains me. I feel for you, but I cannot help you. And it's starting to affect me in a negative way.

There are so many things that I'd like to talk about. I've had a lifetime of experiences before becoming a mother. I went to school, I lived abroad, I was a martial art champion, I had several professions, and I traveled to places few have been. The topics I can talk about are vast and my interests are also. I know you have great experiences and stories too, but I never hear them because you are too hyper-focused on venting.

When I try to change the topic, all you do is go back to your kid and all the problems you have.
You are angry. I get it.
You are frustrated. I get that too.

I feel all you feel multiplied by five and you know what?
I'm not angry. I find the good in my days. I don't drag my friends into my shit. I don't fling shit and I don't kill other people's buzzes. My suffering is my own and it is unfair to those around me to perpetuate negativity.

But that's me.

I'm at the point that when you call, I grimace, because I know you are just one word away from spewing your latest frustration.

I like you. I respect you and all you have done for the community, but I can't continue to be the one you vent to. Just because I get what you're going through doesn't mean I want to hear about it all the time. Especially during the time I am supposed to be recharging.

Find a therapist.
Talk to god.
Yell at trees.
Do meditation.
Do something, please.

I really want you to find peace and happiness.

Love,
Shari




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