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The mutant crap-spreaders

This morning as I was getting dressed, I found myself continuously banging into an exer-ball. Why is an exer-ball in my room? They are supposed to be in the basement or the trampoline and I didn't have a sudden urge to do ab work.  Must be one of the mutants. 

The exer-ball was just one thing in the long list of things that have wound up in places they didn't belong. The kids have an innate talent to disperse crap; my crap, their crap and everyone else's crap.

I've found my shoes in random parts of the house; sometimes not even paired together and on different floors, after the twins took an opportunity to walk in my shoes. 

I've found my iPad under pillows, under beds, upstairs, downstairs, in the basement and on top on the washing machine. 

I've found their toys in my bed, in my drawers, behind the toilet and countless other places. At least they are creative and indiscriminate. Makes it more fun when they come to screaming because I need to find their missing thing "RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

They are on a mission to undermine my ADHD coping strategies of having a place for everything and everything in it's place. And secretly, I think they enjoy messing with me.

I have reached the stage that when I find things where they are not supposed to be, it doesn't really phase me. That is, unless it is really bizarre; like a real cow in the bathroom. or a chainsaw in their beds.  The house is like a constant game of identifying the things that don't belong. . 

Oh, there is a rake in the living room, how did that get there? The answer is easy; the mutants put it there.  The reason? Good luck finding that out. The responses I usually get are:
1) Throw someone under the bus, even if you did it, 
2) Run away screaming, because if you're screaming, then you can't hear the question,
3) Throw your hands up, scrunch your shoulders, and give that cute look, while saying "I don't know",
4) Meltdown, because I just can't answer that question, or 
5) Do something that will get you into more trouble than what I asked you about. At least then, you'll earn the punishment, and it'll be like a single punishment for a double infraction. Sounds like a bargain to me. 

At least they don't touch the coffee or the vodka.  
I'll take whatever victory I can. 
Now where are the shot glasses?


  1. hahaha! In our house when things are in odd places or (more frequently) broken, the answer is usually "Alex."


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