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Dear Morning, Suck it.

Once upon a time, there was a land where all siblings got along and did all the shit their parents asked them to do without a fight. 

And then I woke up.
For a moment,
I had hope.
Today was the day. The day that if I could shove the kids back in my uterus I would have. Not all at the same time, maybe just one or two. I could just sit on them and they'd be sucked back into the vacuum and it would be quiet. The kids were driving me nuts. And today, it was more than the "one crisis at a time." It was an ensemble of issues and side stories all in a 40 minute window, before 8am.

The issues: 
#2 was rattling off his Wikipedia facts of the day, but since he is not able to modulate his voice, it was VERY loud. And the thing is, no matter how many times you tell him, "quiet voice, indoor voice," he fails, simply because he can't. I told him, "Please, speak softer, you are hurting my ears" and my eyes, and all my nerves all together. Please, shut up. You are driving me insane.

#3 had decided to have another go as the Commando Crusader and refused to put on underwear. Plus, his pants were on backwards. He fought us and began his day in "Time-out." Gotta tell you, there is no better sound than hearing your six-year-old screaming "I hate you." And this is just about underwear. Seriously.

#1 didn't want to get out of bed. He was ass-dragging. 

The twins were insane. Someone put crack in their cereal. They were running through the house, antagonizing #2, banging on the piano,  and taking the Mega-Blocks that #2 and #3 had arranged so perfectly, for an angry bird smack down. Together they were painfully loud and I needed them to stay out of the way until the boy's bus took them off to happy land, I mean camp.

And then the fighting began. The twins would antagonize #2, then he would grab them and throw himself on top of them to squish them. Maybe he was trying to give them some sensory input to calm them down.  The girls would then scream and whine. And once the whining starts, my brain hears "WARNING! WARNING! We are going to blow" and Mommy loses her mind.  It makes every cell in my body scream. If there was ever a time that I wished I had listened to my walk-man at high volumes as a a kid, and suffered a hearing loss, it was then. Please Santa, bring me a hearing loss. I promise to be a better parent.

So how did it all get resolved? 

#1 got out of bed and got ready without any problems and we were lucky he didn't get sucked into the vortex. #2 quieted down and focused on his computer. The twins got banished to the play room and although one of them was still screaming, I was able to tune it out. #3 was still without underwear and Husband had to change him. He was still angry, but I took hm by the hand, handed him his Rubix Cube, and walked him outside to the porch. He saw #2 sitting on the porch swing and joined him. It was like the drama never happened. They chatted about Angry Bird Star Wars until the bus came.

And all I had left was two little whiny birds, who were plugged in immediately so I could write this. Now that I'm done, I can climb out of the closet and take off then noise-cancelling head-phones. Maybe, I should wear them in the morning. Now that's a thought.


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