Skip to main content
 Homework Happy Hour




Oh Mommy, I love Homework!!!

Said no one ever.
I used to catch snippets of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader" when my mom used to visit. She was addicted to GSN, the game show network. I used to think, "I have a MA in Asian Studies and have quite the extensive education, I'd kick ass on that show." But then, #1 became a fourth grader and between him and my aspy third grader, I wondered how I got through elementary school at all. Did they even teach the same crap they are teaching now, way back then? I don't think so. I remember my desk at school chock full of worksheets I never completed and somehow I managed to get away with it and graduate elementary school. I wondered, if I were going through school now, would I make it through?  I am grateful that I don't have to  answer that question. Though based on my inability to help with homework some days, I tend to think that I wouldn't.

Trying to navigate three children through homework makes you question who really invented happy hour. The witching hour is between four and six in the afternoon.  Grab the vodka and red bull and press "go".  It is the time you are trying to get dinner ready and the homework done because when the kids get out of school, the clock starts ticking down to bedtime. (Bedtime=when mommy finally gets a freaking break.) Of course, after a full day at school, they are fried and no matter how you try to package it, homework sucks no matter when you try to get it done. "Oh mommy, I love homework!", said no one ever.

 The minute you open your kid's homework folder, the general reaction is "fuck?!? Really. That will take all of my energy and time plus, I may have to Wikipedia it because I have no fucking clue what it is, what I'm supposed to do with it, or how to do it.

So between managing the meltdowns that come with making kids do homework and getting #3 to read,  (#3 is in Kindergarten and he just has to read 15 minutes a night. Sounds easy? Wrong. Some days I could promise that kid a Maserati, and the way he screams I swear he is saying "F-U" in some martian sound, that challenges the sound barrier. But last night, Hershey hugs and some left over holiday candy did the trick. Yes, I sugared up my kid to get production. It's called incentives. Got a problem with that?) I also have to deal with the twins, whose specialty at this point, is input and output. They eat all day long, and then they call me with the utmost urgency because they have to hold court on the potty. MOMMY, I HAVE TO GO PEE-PEES." And in toddler language it means, "drop everything and be my potty pal, RIGHT NOW" And the second I get up from the homework table to help the girls, the boys bolt to the far corners of the house or yard. They don't know what "independent work" is.

The challenge most days is after I have put the other four to bed and I finally get back to the table to finish the homework with #1 , I am 98% fried and twitching. Unfortunately, it is usually the time that he is most engaging. Talk about bad timing. He was reading a chapter about the first moon walk and he went into a quasi-scripted scene from Wall-E and then asked if the axiom greeted the astronauts when they landed on the moon. But the thing was, his was joking with me. His face was poised in amusement and he was just waiting for me to respond and when I tried to bring him back to task, he tried to push further and talk about Eve and if she greeted the astronauts. He was engaging in quasi-typical behavior, but I was so fried, that I laughed and begged him to get back to task before I lost my mind completely. 

 The best day of the week for me is Friday. Not because it is the end of the work week, my work week continues regardless of the day, it is because there is no homework. They come home from school and it is free time. I don't have to get three kids through homework or meltdowns. I just have to make sure the beer is cold, the Wii controllers are charged and the pizza is ordered. Now that, sound like a happy hour I could deal with every day.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Diary of a music mom

Since fifth grade, both #1 and #2 have been playing instruments; #1, the saxophone and #2, the trombone. #1, Autism classic, plays the very same saxophone that I started on in fifth grade. I  teach him daily and we go once a week to our new sax teacher and they work on jazz. #2, the aspy is a lot more autonomous and he doesn't require my attention when he practices and gets by with his weekly skype lessons from grandpa and his private teacher.

Every year, our school district hosts a solo and ensemble festival. The kids have roughly eight weeks to choose a listed piece and then perform it with an accompaniment. Every year, I make the boys participate even though it means I need to spend more time with #1 to make sure he doesn't sound like a moose in the wild and more like a saxophone player.

It always turns out like this:
I choose the new piece and we trudge through it slowly and painfully.
I second guess my choice because I think it's too much, too hard, too intricate for …

My Heart Will Go On

At the end of the school year, the teachers usually host an event to give thanks to the many parents who helped out during the school year. When I went to #1's school, they had an elaborate spread and the highlight was when the sign language club performed a few songs.  #2 & #3's school, had their volunteer appreciation breakfast last week, and I was happy that I was able to bring the twins with me.

Everything was great. There was food, coffee, juice and some awesome moms. But, then the music teacher brought in the fourth grade class and they were all holding their recorders. Great. One kid practicing the recorder at home is painful enough.  Forty kids playing recorder in a quasi-controlled group is just one way the music teacher can express her feelings about not getting any holiday presents or special accolades during teacher appreciation week. F-U people, I teach your talentless kids and it is a thankless and painful job.  I'm going to let you know how much I apprec…

World Autism Awareness Month: A Time To Focus On Our Similarities.

Tomorrow, April 2, is World Autism Awareness day. I thought about all the things I could say about awareness and then I realized that the people who read this blog know all this stuff. With the latest release from the CDC about the number of children diagnosed with Autism now at 1:68, there will be a day that everyone will know or be related to someone with Autism. And unfortunately,  It is only when something affects everyone is when things will change.

I decided to re-share excerpts from my post: We're More alike than you think. The post was inspired by Willman Stillman and my self-observations. Everyday I look at my children and realize I have more Autistic qualities that I realized. I have also realized that it not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe melting and throwing myself on the ground if I can't find my keys may be over-doing it a bit, but many things are really a core part of me; like my ability to memorize information. It comes in handy on Black Friday for sure.