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The Truth Down Doggie style

"Live in your truth", the yoga instructor said as he told the class to hold the pose. Live in your truth? you don't think I'm living in my truth? I have five kids and three have autism. You don't think I'm living my truth every day? Hey Buddy, I'm living my truth so much every day, that I come here to escape it. I don't you need you to remind me what my truth is. This is my time and right now, I don't need to be reminded where I have to go when I'm done here-back to my truth. Must find my zen. Must plant a tree. Zen is so over-rated. Need to find some peace." I squelch the desire to punch yoga instructor in the face. 

The truth waits for me, as it does every morning. My daily truth involves a husband who has a great job, but is gone an average of 11 hours a day, three kids with transition issues and four year old twins who are quickly mastering the art of whine. I am overworked and under-medicated. 

Every day, I am a jungle gym, cleaning lady, laundry diva, homework helper, referee, landscaper and repairman. I am a speech therapist modeling language, an occupational therapist applying deep pressure and encouraging fine motor skills (which always causes #2 to melt). I am the entertainment coordinator, translator, cook, and am the fast food drive through person; "can I take your order?" I feel like a hyperactive ping-pong ball being hit by several paddles at the same time. 

The truth is, I am grateful for my ADHD. Because I am naturally wired to focus on many things at once, I think I would be very bored with just one or two kids. And if they were neuro-typical, well, just throw me some fire-balls to juggle to make it more challenging. I couldn't imagine what a day would be like if I wasn't trying to figure out the best ways to help the boys navigate through their days. 

Autism is a major time-suck. Managing the education of three special needs boys comes with it's own stresses, challenges and requirements. I have to be on top of the schools to make sure they are following their IEPs (Individual Education Plan). This document lists their condition and all the goals, objectives, and services that are in place for the each kid. It is my job to keep close tabs on their schooling because what I have learned from past experiences, is not everyone does their job well. There are some really awful administrators and teachers out there.

Another truth is that I spend so much time managing everyone and everything, that I get left in last place. I'm so overwhelmed, that if Hugh Jackman showed up at my house in a thong, I would hand him my vacuum cleaner and watch him use it.  I would get far more pleasure watching someone else clean my house than sparring with Wolverine.  In fact, I would welcome any happy helper, English not necessary. 

I tried to reclaim some time and energy for myself. That is the reason I went to yoga.  But then I was given an assignment. So what kind of truth was he telling me to live in? Who really cares. I paid for the class, and I'll live in it if I want to. In my time away from home, my truth can be whatever I wish it to be. In yoga, my truth is, that I'd rather be on some beach anywhere, letting my albino ass get some sun. (There are 700 shades of white and I am 40 of them). It would be quite a novelty to sit quietly, relax and maybe even read a book. I would love the shirtless, muscle bound dude on the mat to my left to be the one serving me drinks on that beach, bringing me snacks and rubbing some lotion all about. Now that, is some truth. I could bathe in that truth. Where's my towel?



Comments

  1. Well, vacuuming.. that just makes me wonder if Ironman's wrist repulsor has a "steam cleaner" option. :D And if it would get the smell of vomit out of an Ikea couch. :D

    I think you've done a spectacular job finding your "truth" and living in the moment. You have to, I'm sure. I find when I'm 'in the moment' my kids are so much better behaved. They can sense it.

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